Breaking up with somebody in the modern world is tough. Even as recently as 15 years ago, it was a case of deciding to go your separate ways and that was often that, but 21st-century technology has changed everything.
It’s now much easier to keep in contact with an ex, meaning that separations aren’t as clean as they once were. WhatsApp and other messaging services can make talking to them that much simpler than having to actually pick up the phone and call.
Then there is social media. Even if you don’t remain friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter or subscribers to each other on Instagram, the chances are you won’t be able to completely escape what your ex is doing with their life after you. You might have broken up, but it will still hurt seeing them post about how much fun they’ve had with a new partner on a weekend away or that they’ve just got a new dog together.
Social media also gives friends the chance to weigh in with their opinion of the situation, which can be wholly damaging to everyone. Nasty statuses online in the wake of a breakup with comments belittling or criticizing one party are one of the most hurtful aspects of social media.
How can you avoid all this? By making as a cleaner break as possible. You might not be able to control the behavior of the other person, but when the time comes to break up you can act with class and keep your side of the street clean. Here are a few tips as to how.
Break up in person
There is no worse way to end a relationship than via text, which makes it astonishing that 88 percent of men and 18 percent of women have broken up with a text message according to an article released by the American Psychological Association. If the other person was important enough to you to be in a relationship with, the least they deserve is the courtesy of you telling them to their face why you no longer wish to be together. It allows you both to ask questions and get started on the path to closure that is so important for a clean break.
Maintain a dignified silence
As we’ve already said, social media allows a public forum to take place in the aftermath of a breakup. Don’t get involved in the circus. By making nasty comments, it makes you look bad – even if the other half of the relationship was truly awful in the way they acted or behaved. A dignified silence will allow you to come out of the breakup as a better and bigger person. If you do need to rant, do it the old-fashioned way – to a trusted friend in private.
Respect their wishes
You might want to remain friends with your ex after a breakup, but they want total separation. If they never want to see you again, never want to hear from you again or want to go through divorce mediation, should you have been married, then you should respect their wishes. By continuing to pester and pine after a breakup, you’ll be entering stalker territory. Be sure to reach out to experts, such as Judith Goldberg, who can offer the correct support for divorce medication in Connecticut.
Take some time apart
Even if you do want to remain as friends, you still need some time apart in order to let the passage of time heal the hurt that a breakup can cause. You cannot truly get over a relationship if you are still seeing that person on a frequent basis, even if the circumstances may have removed any physical relationship. That is why you should have as much as six months to a year apart which includes unfriending each other on social media. That is a suitable amount of time to allow you to process what has happened without having any old or lingering feelings brought up. If you still both decide you want to be friends after that, you can work towards a platonic friendship.
Be honest with future partners
If you do remain friends with your ex – as between 59 and 65 percent of Americans do according to research from the University of Kansas – then you should be honest about the situation with any future partners. If you keep it a secret, then it looks to the new party that there is something hide, and they may begin question if you are over your ex. Even being honest about it may not be enough for your new partner and if that’s the case and they find the whole situation a little uncomfortable, you should consider halting your friendship with your ex for a period of time. If they are truly your friend, then they’ll understand that.